alright, so xanga is boring and myspace..well, I don't really post anything in those blogs. There are too many people who I can see reading stuff on there and saying "aw, manda, you can talk to me" and I'm just like..no..no I can't. Anyone know what I mean?

I guess the deep down reason why I started one of these things is because I need to vent so, anyone who might be reading this, the following means nothing to the effect that I'm a drama queen or I'm emo or any of that shit. I'll have better blogs later but right now, I'm venting becuase I have no one else really to vent to.

My best friend was hated by a lot of people in my school and, well, elsewhere as well. But, being raised the way I was, I got to know this girl and instantly we became "best friends" (I use that term loosley these days). That was, oh say...5 years ago. Age has decreased the number of people who don't like her because it was dumb why people didn't like her to begin with. The thing that time has also done, however, has increase the annoyance level I have of her and lessen our friendship ties..atleast on my part.

I've listened to bluegrass my whole life and, technically, even before that. I'm a grits-fed, boots-wearin, toe-tappin, hat-on-my-head country girl and love it to death. Bluegrass has been my life for forever and, anyone who is like me, knows that there is like another world out there - the Bluegrass World. Everyone knows everyone and we're all (for the most part) friendly with each other. Yeah, you have your assholes but you learn to live with them, not cuss em out and fight em like a person would in, oh say, high school. This has been my world that I've grown up with my whole life - sandbox to audiance. I've never had anyone interrupt my world which I know sounds like I've had my head berried in a world made of marshmellows for my entire life but there are things to be said that will even it out.

Nobody in my neck of the woods uner the age of a million likes bluegrass except for yours truely. That was before this chick came along which, I openly admit, was all my, I don't want to say fault, but..if the word fits...anyway, for our birthdays, which are 1 day apart (me being older by 18 hours) she wanted to be with me wherever I went (remember, this was when we were "best friends") and I told her I was going to a bluegrass concert In Maryland to see Rhonda Vincent, Cherryholmes and The Lewis Family. Well, she went with me, fell in love with the music and I was extatic. This was the best birthday ever because the present I got, I thought, would last forever - I got a bluegrass friend.

I should have known then that this was the biggest mistake of my life. Long story short, she came into my world, flirted with all my guy friends, pissed off my girl friends who were the guys' girlfriends which, in return, pissed off the guys, made new "friends" who, later on, called her a whore behind her back because she flirted with them on myspace (but she didn't believe this because "they said they didn't say anything about me" (yeah, like they'd really tell you to your face if they did)). All of this combined made the girls pissed off at me because she was MY friend, made me a Whore By Association, and she's basically holding me off of getting any new friends because, if anyone out there doesn't already know this, people talk about people. "Hey, you know that myspace girl that so-and-so have been talking to? The easy one? Yeah, that's her friend." Never, before this girl came along, did I think I'd be in the middle of this pool of royal shit in my simple, placid bluegrass world. Never.

There's another part to all of this, too. There's a boy that I like. I've liked him for a long, long time. I told her from the get go that if she were to ever so much as look at him the wrong way, that'd be the end of all the festivals, concerts and I'd never talk to her again. Some people, if they said that to their "best friend", they'd never, not in a million years mean it. I, on the other hand, meant it 100% when I said it. Here letely she's been talking about him. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it is a big deal. Especially since she's friends with his best friend who thinks that she likes the boy I like. Anyway, she got a hold of his AIM screen name and won't give it to me. Now, would a real best friend do that to me? Get the boy's screen name that I'm practically in love with and not give it to me, but keep it and talk to him herself? I guess I'm jsut not sure because I don't really ahve a best friend - I have a girl who uses me to go places and see people and flirt out the ass with anything that has a penis. Does a best friend do that?!

I bet if you're still reading this all just sounds like a bunch of gobbly-gook bitch-fight mess, but for me it's reality. Facing this girl who, day by day, with the help of cyberspace, is digging a hole, not only for herself, but for me with a plastered on "everything is fine and dandy" face isn't easy. I have to face this girl every single day in school and it's having a great wear-and-tear on me. I don't know how much longer I can put up a front for her and the rest of the school. I can ust hear the, "what happened with you and _____?" becuase god forbid she keep her mouth shut about it and not expose the problem to the entire school. See, there's another thing I can't stand about her. It seems like the bad is outweighing the good..and why am I friends with her? Please, someone remind me.

I know I should ditch her. I really know I should. But deep down I know that, if I leave her, then she won't have a single friend in the world and bu that I mean friend, not guys in the internet who will give her a pity "Manda's a bitch" party and then stop talking to her when another pretty girl starts talking to them (maybe even talking to them in REAL LIFE! Now there's a shocker). If I abandoned her she'd have to stay at home with her hellish-don't-give-a-damn parents and her video-game-addict-reckloose of an older brother who doesn't give a shit about anything except if he gets to the next level or not ( and if you ask me, he hasn't gotten to the next level sinve about 7th grade). I know this girl's heart and soul and she is really great person, but she has very bad habits that I just can't stand to put up with anymore.

So, I'm left with thoughts that people have been telling me for years. She's not a real friend. She doesn't care about me like I care about her. I need to stop taking her to anything relating with bluegrass (people have actually asked my MOM "what is Amanda doing hanging out with a girl like that?!?") for my sake, as well as hers. I don't want rumors of her being a whore spread around, not just for my WBA problem, but for the sake of her reputation. I can't stand having to make this coice - it's like Meredith having to choose over Finn and McDreamy - whichever way she chooses she risks losing something (or in her case, someone) else.
If anyone has read this whole entry, I appologise for talking soley about my problems. It's just the heaviest thing on my mind at the time. Maybe it's just PMS...for now, maybe I'll just blame it all on that. Sound good? Mmhmm.


In future posts, expect some song lyrics, poems and storys. Writing is what I do. That's another reason for opening a Blogger account. Criticism, advice, all that good shit. Thanks for listening. Stay tuned.